What Does Thee Wish?

The first day that M.K. left my presence for girl's camp, I tried not to think too much about it. I even made it through the first night and the second day without wringing my hands (and I don't mean figuratively), but last night when it started to rain and there was a tornado warning, I felt myself slip a cog and panic set in for a few minutes before I was able to get a handle on it. Those two old enemies of mine, anxiety and panic appeared on the scene. I sometimes think I am not the right "type" to be a mother of so many. I can't let my children run wild without craning my neck every five minutes to make sure they are safe and sound- and I do mean craning. One shoulder starts to tighten and sends an ache up into my head. I think this is a hereditary trait and that I must have got a double dose from each parent. I once read a story about a woman who hated to fly on airplanes, afraid of crashing. Exhausted by her flight she landed safely and said, "I am just so tired from holding that plane up in the air." I understand this method of thinking completely. I also understand that I have no control over anything and that the Lord has given me every blessing my life contains. But the scary part for me is knowing He can also take it back whenever he feels like it. This makes me slightly insane. But the good news is is that I am growing in faith through my trials and tribulations and I know that is what it is all about. I refuse to hunker down in the bunker, but sometimes that deceitful hole of comfort appears mighty inviting. Instead, I will look toward the example of my small but mighty M.K. who chose to go to girl's camp with her scriptures in hand, her heart ahead and her cares behind, and I know there is a certain lesson for me. If I can cut through the muddle of useless worry, perhaps I will learn it yet.